im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
