I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
