you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
