i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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