The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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