There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
