mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
