Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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