We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
