why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
