when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
