You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
