Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
