so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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