Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
