Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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