Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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