history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
