I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
