Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
