Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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