forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
