Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
