im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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