She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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