Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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