A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
