What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
