from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
