the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
