Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
