we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
