OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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