dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
