So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
