I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He better not be in your backpack
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
