sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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