I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
