I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
