in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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