I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
