my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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