My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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