I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
