There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What drink are we having for lunch?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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