Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
