My cat gives me a boner
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You ate ashes out of my bong
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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