I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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