i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
