Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
