I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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