Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize