In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize