I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
