Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
