My balls are so social today.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize