im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
