I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
