i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
