The maid of honor just puked.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize