I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
