Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
