she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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