This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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