We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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