Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
