I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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