you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
