she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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