So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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