Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
