Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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