I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
