the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
