You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
