You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
