Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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