Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I deserve this hangover.
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