i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
