I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
