you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
