I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
