i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
