I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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